Courtship can actually be very challenging, a lot of singles started with the hope of getting married but ended with both parties going their separate ways for one reason or the other. The following tips will help you to have a successful courtship in addition to the dos and don’ts of Christian courtship.
LOVE:
Even though it takes more than love to sustain a relationship, Love is still very key in sustaining a relationship, true love stands the test of time, any relationship built on material things without true love will surely collapse. If a guy truly loves you as a lady, He will not want to defile you before your wedding night. Don’t marry someone you don’t love, no matter the persuasion, Love transcends beauty or any other facial qualities. Let love be the bedrock of your relationship.
FORGIVENESS:
No matter how much you both love each other, times will come when you will offend each other or have some forms of disagreement over issues that may lead to one party feeling offended, you must learn to forgive each other. Don’t hold grudges against your partner, be open to discuss and settle your differences. Don’t hold on to past mistakes and errors. Always forgive each other. Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness, hatred, suspicion and lack of trust which are all killers of relationship.
TRUST:
Trust is very vital in sustaining a courtship, if you can’t trust each other there is no point moving along. Without trust there will be gross suspicion capable of destroying the relationship. Some ladies have made up their mind never to trust any guy again in their life due to past disappointments; if you carry that notion into your new relationship then you can be sure of getting nowhere. The fact is that you should not even think of marrying someone you can’t trust. So learn to trust your partner. Many of our assumptions are not always right! The fact that you called her and she did not pick the call is not to conclude that she’s seeing another man or maybe she deliberately did not want to pick your calls. Be considerate and always put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
UNDERSTANDING:
As earlier mentioned, one of the things courtship period does is to allow the two parties understand each other. Remember you both have different minds, so you can’t think alike, it calls for proper understanding to actually flow together. Learn to be patient with each other and not overreact too quickly, take things gently and with understanding. Most of the things that cause trouble or misunderstanding in courtship are just simple things.
COMMUNICATION:
Without effective communication there will be lots of assumptions and misunderstanding. You both must be able to express yourself in a way that you both will understand, talk plainly not in parables! Don’t assume your partner knows what you are thinking when you never told him/her, don’t assume he/she should know what you are passing through if you’ve never told him/her. Talk about your plans and visions, talk, talk, talk! Also remember that your body language is also part of communication, your partners is also reading the expressions on your face. When you say sorry, does your body language say so too?
BOUNDARIES:
Christian liberty is not freedom to commit sin, you must at the beginning of the courtship and as you go along set boundaries to guide your relationship as Christians, your boundaries determine your no-go areas. If you don’t set boundaries soon you will discover you are romancing and doing a lot of contrary things to God’s standard of holiness. Never engage in sex until you are married, petting, kissing and romancing are manifestations of lustful desires!
PRAYER:
Even in marriage it is said that the family that prays together stays together. Prayer is very vital in a relationship as well as reading scriptures and your devotion to God. Learn to pray together, the bible says if two of you shall agree as touching anything, it will be done. There are forces of darkness that may be militating against your life or your future home, you need to destroy their plans in fervent prayers. You need to commit everything, to God in prayers. Jesus said watch and pray!
DO’S IN CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP
Most of the things earlier mentioned are things you need to be doing during courtship starting from praying together, discussing your future and so on, all these are vital to the success of the courtship and your home as well. I’ve also included in this write up some things that you need to discuss during courtship.
DON’TS IN CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP
These are some things you need to avoid in other to have a successful Christian courtship.
Do not be exclusive in relating with each other all the time.
Do not plan to isolate yourselves in dark or solitary places where you can easily be tempted, why should the two of you be praying alone in a dark room?
Do not give in to your passion and abuse your bodies for sexual sins – avoid petting, necking, fondling, kissing, sex – Gal. 5:6, 1 Thess. 4:3-7. Remember true love waits.
Do not watch sexually explicit movies, porn movies, or x rated films together or alone.Mind what you wear, don’t tempt each other, don’t say after all he’s your fiancée and he is a child of God and then use that as a license to appear semi-nude, or wear transparent clothes or dress with no underwear while he’s around. Guys likewise should mind what they wear.Don’t let your good be evil spoken of (Rom.14:16). Avoid sleeping in the same room or on the same bed during visitation or on a tour. A brother said he can sleep on the same bed with a sister and nothing will happen, then I asked even if nothing happens then what are you trying to prove? Are you proving you have a PhD in Holiness or what? Can you be holy by your self-will without God’s grace? Friend, run away from every appearance of evil, otherwise the news of your fall will fill the air soon. Be wise!Don’t plan to have a very long courtship! Courtship takes a lot of commitment, so don’t even start it if you know you will not have the time to be committed to the relationship because the price of relationship is commitment.Courtship is not a period of gathering for a one-in-town wedding celebration that you can’t afford.
DO NOT IGNORE WARNING SIGNALS!!! So many Christians are regretting their marriage today or already have a broken home because they ignore warning signals during their courtship. When we make mistakes in choices as believers, God in His infinite mercies have a way of bringing us back to the right track especially when we are sincere and faithful to Him, during such moments He finds a way of letting you know that you are in a wrong relationship capable of ruining your future, this He can do through dreams, or constant fear any time you think about your spouse to be or through any other means.. if after you have prayed rigorously about it in order to be sure that the fear or revelation is not from the devil and the experience still keep coming then you have to quit the relationship. Some sisters, despite the fact that they can see that the guy they are engaged to is wayward yet they still follow stupidly probably because they felt if they disengage they might not get another person again or for some selfish reasons, same goes for guys.
Don’t let her facial beauty or long (artificial) hair becloud you of warning signals. You know within you that something is wrong, but you are allowing your head to rule your heart, the end result will be a disaster! Call it a quit. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage. Although it may be painful, you just have to do it and that is the reason why it is good to pray well and be very careful when choosing a life partner so that you don’t end up with heartbreak each time.
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
UNDERSTANDING CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP
The time of courtship is a time to discover God together; it’s a time of robbing your visions together, a time of knowing your family members and relations, a time to study each other’s culture, a time to study your differences (gender, family background, temperament, personal goals, and cultural differences).
It is a time of planning, not just the wedding, but the home, how your home will look like, planning your career/profession, and aspirations both spiritually and physically, it’s a period of setting goals.
It’s a period of discussing your finances, in-laws, responsibilities etc (see suggested topics for discussion during courtship in this article) and sex (but be careful not to fall into immorality while discussing sex, it’s better deferred to when the wedding day is close, books on sex in marriage can help but be careful not to go into sex before marriage as your body chemistry might be activated during this period especially when you are with your intended spouse! So watch!). Note: the relationship should be temporarily suspended if you both fall into sex and report yourselves to your pastor/guidance! Don’t continue in sin.
Courtship entails the unifying of your spirits as you study the bible together, pray and fast, learn the scriptures together, visit church programs, you must agree on bible doctrines e.g. Spirit baptism, water baptism, heaven and hell, faith, holiness, etc. visit your spiritual mentors together, read Christian literature.
It also entails unifying your minds together as you try to understand each other’s view on issues, what excite you may irritate your partner, it’s a period you understand what your partner values and trying to see from each other’s point of view. It’s a time to listen to each other and not being domineering.
It’s a time to look into the future together and also start buying things in readiness for the wedding and the home.
It is a time of planning, not just the wedding, but the home, how your home will look like, planning your career/profession, and aspirations both spiritually and physically, it’s a period of setting goals.
It’s a period of discussing your finances, in-laws, responsibilities etc (see suggested topics for discussion during courtship in this article) and sex (but be careful not to fall into immorality while discussing sex, it’s better deferred to when the wedding day is close, books on sex in marriage can help but be careful not to go into sex before marriage as your body chemistry might be activated during this period especially when you are with your intended spouse! So watch!). Note: the relationship should be temporarily suspended if you both fall into sex and report yourselves to your pastor/guidance! Don’t continue in sin.
Courtship entails the unifying of your spirits as you study the bible together, pray and fast, learn the scriptures together, visit church programs, you must agree on bible doctrines e.g. Spirit baptism, water baptism, heaven and hell, faith, holiness, etc. visit your spiritual mentors together, read Christian literature.
It also entails unifying your minds together as you try to understand each other’s view on issues, what excite you may irritate your partner, it’s a period you understand what your partner values and trying to see from each other’s point of view. It’s a time to listen to each other and not being domineering.
It’s a time to look into the future together and also start buying things in readiness for the wedding and the home.
CHRISTIAN COURTSHIP
Christian Courtship is simply the time gap between when a Christian lady says yes to a marriage proposal from a Christian brother.
In as much as you can’t go to the altar the following day of the marriage proposal, it therefore means that the period in between must be well utilized, failure of which a lot of marriages have suffered serious setbacks and breakage.
So what are you supposed to be doing between the period both of you formally agreed to be married and when you eventually get married (note: you are not married until you are married)
The period of courtship is not just the period to tell your fiancé/e I love you one million times a day or a time to be moving from one restaurant to another or just looking at each other’s faces and just planning for the wedding day alone, courtship is far more serious than that. Courtship is a period to really find out whether the two of you are meant for each other, a time to agree. The bible says can two walk together except they be agreed. A time to verify that the yes you said at the beginning is truly yes.
Note that set of rules must be agreed upon to guide your courtship, otherwise, you will be like a ship on a high sea without a compass and without an anchor. Rules are very important, write them down and follow them to the letter; the two of you must help each other to stand!
In as much as you can’t go to the altar the following day of the marriage proposal, it therefore means that the period in between must be well utilized, failure of which a lot of marriages have suffered serious setbacks and breakage.
So what are you supposed to be doing between the period both of you formally agreed to be married and when you eventually get married (note: you are not married until you are married)
The period of courtship is not just the period to tell your fiancé/e I love you one million times a day or a time to be moving from one restaurant to another or just looking at each other’s faces and just planning for the wedding day alone, courtship is far more serious than that. Courtship is a period to really find out whether the two of you are meant for each other, a time to agree. The bible says can two walk together except they be agreed. A time to verify that the yes you said at the beginning is truly yes.
Note that set of rules must be agreed upon to guide your courtship, otherwise, you will be like a ship on a high sea without a compass and without an anchor. Rules are very important, write them down and follow them to the letter; the two of you must help each other to stand!
COURTSHIP ON CAMPUS
Adewunmi & I
A lady told me they were advised in school never to date/court a fellow student but rather set their goals high on a working class man. She got confused, as she had heard me say many times that I met my husband in school.
I've been counseling some singles who are courting on campus as well and most, if not all the relationships ended up messy. How then have I been able to scale through?
Don't use anybody's relationship as a yardstick for yours, let the Lord guide you. That I met my husband in school does not mean you will meet yours there as well, you can't make your marital decision based on someone else's experience, we are all different.
God knows when and where you are to meet your spouse, yours is to walk with him, be sensitive to his leading and learn to obey him.
I did not go to school to get engaged. I went there to study and graduate in flying colours. Working class guys had proposed before I gained admission, they weren't God's will for me. I wasn't a naive, romance seeking teenager when I met hubby, I was already a mature woman, I was 24. I entered school late because my parents were too poor to send me to school. My teenage years was used hawking, working and learning crafts to survive.
I had a burning vision before I entered school and was pursuing it with vigour. I started my ministry on campus, organized programmes and was preaching before I met hubby. I had made up my mind not to have sex before marriage. I loved the Lord with all my heart and served him with all my strength...
I had read good books on relationships and was preparing myself to have a great marriage in future. All in all, I was a mature woman, I think that is what God saw before sending hubby my way. He knew I wouldn't take things for granted, I was mature enough to handle it and he wants me to have a man whom I could be friends with as my husband. He knew I am going to be teaching people how to have a great marriage. He knew I needed a man who will love me like Christ loves the church, develop intimate friendship with me and help me become all he designed me to be. He packaged all I need to be successful in my spouse and send him to my school. We are happily married today.
God deals with you based on the condition of your heart not your attitude or outward appearance. He will only give you what you can handle. If you will abuse the relationship by romancing and having sex instead of facing your studies, he won't send the guy/lady to you on campus.
I didn't hide my courtship in school. Everyone knew we were courting yet, were were among the best students in our departments. I was always with my books: reading, studying, attending fellowships, leading in my department, scoring high in all my courses, yet in full blown courtship!
I will advise you not to go to school look for a partner, go there to acquire your degree, diploma or certificate. Face your studies squarely.
Serve the Lord with all your heart. If the Lord knows you need to meet your partner for reasons best known to Him, He will send them to you, if not, avoid distractions, give your education your best while praying for a good life partner.
In His own precious and appointed time, he will surely bring your partner your way for "He makes all things beautiful in his time...." Eccl.3:11. Wait for his time, follow his leading, obey him and do His will. When the right time comes He will surely bring your partner your way. You will not miss it maritally in Jesus name. God bless you. Cheers!
© Seun Oladele, 2017
A lady told me they were advised in school never to date/court a fellow student but rather set their goals high on a working class man. She got confused, as she had heard me say many times that I met my husband in school.
I've been counseling some singles who are courting on campus as well and most, if not all the relationships ended up messy. How then have I been able to scale through?
Don't use anybody's relationship as a yardstick for yours, let the Lord guide you. That I met my husband in school does not mean you will meet yours there as well, you can't make your marital decision based on someone else's experience, we are all different.
God knows when and where you are to meet your spouse, yours is to walk with him, be sensitive to his leading and learn to obey him.
I did not go to school to get engaged. I went there to study and graduate in flying colours. Working class guys had proposed before I gained admission, they weren't God's will for me. I wasn't a naive, romance seeking teenager when I met hubby, I was already a mature woman, I was 24. I entered school late because my parents were too poor to send me to school. My teenage years was used hawking, working and learning crafts to survive.
I had a burning vision before I entered school and was pursuing it with vigour. I started my ministry on campus, organized programmes and was preaching before I met hubby. I had made up my mind not to have sex before marriage. I loved the Lord with all my heart and served him with all my strength...
I had read good books on relationships and was preparing myself to have a great marriage in future. All in all, I was a mature woman, I think that is what God saw before sending hubby my way. He knew I wouldn't take things for granted, I was mature enough to handle it and he wants me to have a man whom I could be friends with as my husband. He knew I am going to be teaching people how to have a great marriage. He knew I needed a man who will love me like Christ loves the church, develop intimate friendship with me and help me become all he designed me to be. He packaged all I need to be successful in my spouse and send him to my school. We are happily married today.
God deals with you based on the condition of your heart not your attitude or outward appearance. He will only give you what you can handle. If you will abuse the relationship by romancing and having sex instead of facing your studies, he won't send the guy/lady to you on campus.
I didn't hide my courtship in school. Everyone knew we were courting yet, were were among the best students in our departments. I was always with my books: reading, studying, attending fellowships, leading in my department, scoring high in all my courses, yet in full blown courtship!
I will advise you not to go to school look for a partner, go there to acquire your degree, diploma or certificate. Face your studies squarely.
Serve the Lord with all your heart. If the Lord knows you need to meet your partner for reasons best known to Him, He will send them to you, if not, avoid distractions, give your education your best while praying for a good life partner.
In His own precious and appointed time, he will surely bring your partner your way for "He makes all things beautiful in his time...." Eccl.3:11. Wait for his time, follow his leading, obey him and do His will. When the right time comes He will surely bring your partner your way. You will not miss it maritally in Jesus name. God bless you. Cheers!
© Seun Oladele, 2017
TEN IMPORTANT FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU APPLY FOR A JOB
FACT 1
*1. Waiting to be done with NYSC before you begin to seriously apply for a job is one of the greatest mistakes you ever want to make.*
This is one mistake many of us make or are about to make. You may nearly slap yourself if you wait till then. In fact before you finish NYSC you should have applied for at least 20 jobs and attended at least 2 interviews, that’s the mindset of a serious job seeker. Except you have a job waiting for you somewhere.
FACT 2
*2. If you made a 2:2 or third class, you are in a more competitive market and so you may need a super strategy to standout.*
This is because the job market is saturated and so one way many employers try to streamline the number of applicants is by stating that they need 2:1 or first class only.
This should not be a source of worry but should be a reason why you have to up your game. You need to go for additional training that are relevant (mark the word relevant), add some more skill, make your CV on point and all your applications superb! You can’t have a 2:2 and you are applying with different first class and 2:1 and you won’t do something different. You just have to stand out to improve your chances. Also you should apply in more places to increase your chances.
I will tell us two real life stories. Are we following?
Have you heard of this man called Tony Elumelu? I heard a story about him. Tony Elumelu graduated with a 2:2. His first banking job. The requirement was a first class or 2:2. But he still applied. Tony Elumelu applied but added a cover note, explaining why he felt he was still qualified despite graduating with a 2:2. Guess what? He was hired!
I tell you the story of a friend of mine. The person is with a top multinational company right now. She made a 2:2, but contacted me before applying for the job. I gave her some advice, helped her with a "wow" CV and prepared her for the interview. The day she went for the interview, all the interviewers kept commending her CV that they forgot to look at her grade. She was moved to the next stage of the interview. By this time, they had dropped some candidates. She was called again for a second interview, this time around with the top managers. She was scared. Again, they started praising her CV. Asking her questions and commending her. At the tail end, that was when one of them saw the grade. They were like, you mean you finished with a 2:2? She said yes. Then she explained why. Because she was honest and had already won their hearts, guess what! Weeks later, she was called to resume work!
This again is a fact many graduates and job seekers don't know!
FACT 3
*3. You don’t always need to know anyone to enter a company*
I don't know where most young people got this mindset from. They just conclude that all jobs can only be gotten by connection. I want to ask you a question. If you owned a company and you want that company to really grow. As in, you really want it to move forward. Say the truth would you like to hire all your employee based on connection? Wouldn't you want to use common sense to ensure that you have 1..2..3..4 who are really really qualified? Because if all workers were by connection it means the company will crumble. It means they are not looking for skill. And you know what that means.. the company will fall!!!
So because they know this, they can't keep giving all the jobs by connection. There is a place for skill, for those who are truly qualified. So the big question is..Are you among the few qualified?
FACT 4
*4. Getting into a company or organization is one thing, how you get in is another thing.*
This point is very crucial, please follow carefully!
The route via which you enter a company goes a long way to determine your salary, your future prospects in that company, your promotion or even the benefits you will be entitled to.
Its one thing to be working in shell or Mobil or Total, but the big question is how did you enter? You entered as what?
Have you heard of any of the following terms: Graduate Management Trainee, Technical Trainee, Contract Staff, Intern, Outsourcing?
Let me explain further taking the routes I mentioned above one after the other.
Do you know that the best way to enter a multinational company (MNC) as a young graduate is either as an intern or a graduate trainee.
Let me explain. An *intern* is not yet employed. He/she will be paid, but is being trained to work. If they find you competent they can now fully recruit you to become a trainee.
Now if you must enter a company and you want to enjoy the highest benefits, try your best to enter the Management Trainee programme.
Those who eventually become MDs and Head of Departments are those who enter as *Graduate Trainees*.
They are the ones the company likes to send abroad to do one course or the other. They are the ones with the fatter salary. They are the big boys and girls. This is why they are usually few!
The truth is not every one can enter as a graduate trainee, but aspire to do so, there is no harm in aiming big!
A *technical trainee* is usually for all the technical work. They usually like to take HND and OND for these roles. They believe they have the technical knowledge
The only thing is that, they are not paid as much as the Graduate Management Trainee
Then for *contract staff*, that one your salary is smaller. You are on contract and so your contract can end anytime, and you end up jobless again
*Outsourcing* - The company hires another company to do something for them. so you are working with company A, Shell hired company A on contract. so shell will pay your Company, then your company will pay you.
so you see, i am in shell, i am in shell...The right question is how did you enter shell? And whats your role in shell?
FACT 5
*5. When applying for a job in which you were given an email address to forward your CV, there are seven points you need to note.*
I. Your CV should be in pdf format- it should not be in word because it can scatter when opened on the other end. Except you were specifically told to send it that way.
II. You should ALWAYS attach a cover letter. Listen to me they may not say it but it’s a secret why they screen candidates out (it should be in pdf too)
III. You must have a subject and the subject should state the position you are applying for.
IV. Your email must not be empty! It’s a sin, many make that mistake. Your email should have a catchy and stimulating body which is similar but more straight forward and direct like the cover letter
V. Your application must have a complementary close (and optionally a picture which you insert through your email complementary close setting)
VI. You must do a proper search of that company and the role you are applying for.
VII. Try to use a computer not a phone. The greatest error you want to make is having the employer see things like “sent from my blackberry Z10” or “sent from my tecnoc8”. That shows how lazy you are and how you can’t make the extra effort of applying with professionalism
I have seen a lot of graduates err in this regard. They keep saying they have applied everywhere but they never get called. It is because your application was shabby and not pleasant to your employer.
Fact 6
*Cc vs Bcc*
-How many of us have seen this stuff in our emails?
-who knows what they are used for?
Okay, let me explain.
Cc stands for "carbon copy." Anyone you add to the cc: field of a message receives a copy of that message when you send it. All other recipients of that message can see that person you designated as a cc: recipient.
Bcc: stands for "blind carbon copy." Anyone you add to the bcc: field of a message receives a copy of that message when you send it. But, bcc: recipients are invisible to all the other recipients of the message including other bcc: recipients.
Now what is the importance of this knowledge of Cc and Bcc?
Sometimes if you are being referred by someone to apply for a job, you may sometimes need to put the person that referred you in copy to further strengthen your chances. Its more like a referral.
If you want the person you send the application, to know who referred you, you use Cc, if you want to code it you use BBC.
FACT 7
*7. Most of the available jobs are not usually advertised*
No matter how thoroughly you search for job openings on online job portals, job agencies, newspapers ads or even on the company's website - whatever jobs you find that way is only 15 percent of what's available. only 15 percent!!!
That's because 85 percent of jobs are never publicized. This is absolutely true, and done for good reasons.
The employers try to avoid the painful and costly process of sorting through the thousands of mostly crappy applications that follow any publicized job opening, so they would rather use other means of hiring the right people that don't require public advertisement.
The fact that you don't see any job openings doesn't mean a company is not hiring. So you can connect directly and can convince the company that your are the right person. You will be hired whether or not any job was advertised.
Again I must say... This doesn't mean jobs are not advertised at all.
Now there are three key people whom, if your CV can just get to them, they have the power to get you employed.
1. Heads of the department, unit or team in which you wish to work
2. The HR Manager
3. The CEO, MD or founder of the company
How then can your CV get to them? There is what they can targeted emailing.
FACT 8
*8. Doing a Masters immediately after NYSC is very dangerous for some categories of people!*
I know some people want to add something to their 2:2 or to their courses because they may not have studied some kind of courses that are very well appreciated in Nigeria
-But Masters immediately after NYSC is not for everybody.
i. If your family is broke and waiting for you to come and help them out
You would rather take that job, start looking for certifications, then you can sponsor yourself for masters.
ii. If you are like 24 and above, doing a masters immediately may not be advisable. By the time you are done they tell you not more than 26 years old (so you have no job experience, and you have lost on the age side)
-If you must do masters, do your calculations and consultations well. Don’t be a copy copy! Don’t follow crowd. Understand why you want to do it.
FACT 9
*9. Some of your CVs never get read by the employers*
Some companies use what is called an optimization software to scan through thousands of CVs looking for keywords. Any CV that doesn't have some keywords they are looking for get trashed.
Only after they finish optimization does a human being now start looking at the CVs remaining one by one.
Finally... FACT 10
*10. Getting a job is a full time job!*
Allow this point to sink into your head! If you are unemployed right now, you need to employ yourself into a new job called - GETTING A JOB
When something very important to you gets missing in your house, how do you search for it please?
You check under the table, inside your room, the toilet, u call ur uncle, u turn everywhere upside down!
is that correct?
So why is it that when its time to look for a job we do it with some lackadaisical attitude?
My dear, Nigeria is hard! To get a job, you have to be violent about it. You have to attend seminars, ask questions, apply here and there..as in let it be serious!
You don't get a job by watching Africa Magic
You don't get a job by going to cinema house every weekend
You don't get a job by knowing all the telemundo series.
No way! Getting a job is serious business.
Sentiment apart,
Every recent graduate in the business of getting a job in this era needs:
1. A Good smart phone (no matter how cheap)
2. A good monthly data plan (not all this 100 naira per month subscription) plus good Internet connection.
3. Access to power supply for minimum 2 hours daily.
4. Network with "correct" groups.
5. A laptop once in a while (could be your own, your neighbors own or you go to cyber Cafe).
Shell or Nestlé or whoever won't hear you were broke and so you couldn't come online to see their post for a vacancy that suited you.
*1. Waiting to be done with NYSC before you begin to seriously apply for a job is one of the greatest mistakes you ever want to make.*
This is one mistake many of us make or are about to make. You may nearly slap yourself if you wait till then. In fact before you finish NYSC you should have applied for at least 20 jobs and attended at least 2 interviews, that’s the mindset of a serious job seeker. Except you have a job waiting for you somewhere.
FACT 2
*2. If you made a 2:2 or third class, you are in a more competitive market and so you may need a super strategy to standout.*
This is because the job market is saturated and so one way many employers try to streamline the number of applicants is by stating that they need 2:1 or first class only.
This should not be a source of worry but should be a reason why you have to up your game. You need to go for additional training that are relevant (mark the word relevant), add some more skill, make your CV on point and all your applications superb! You can’t have a 2:2 and you are applying with different first class and 2:1 and you won’t do something different. You just have to stand out to improve your chances. Also you should apply in more places to increase your chances.
I will tell us two real life stories. Are we following?
Have you heard of this man called Tony Elumelu? I heard a story about him. Tony Elumelu graduated with a 2:2. His first banking job. The requirement was a first class or 2:2. But he still applied. Tony Elumelu applied but added a cover note, explaining why he felt he was still qualified despite graduating with a 2:2. Guess what? He was hired!
I tell you the story of a friend of mine. The person is with a top multinational company right now. She made a 2:2, but contacted me before applying for the job. I gave her some advice, helped her with a "wow" CV and prepared her for the interview. The day she went for the interview, all the interviewers kept commending her CV that they forgot to look at her grade. She was moved to the next stage of the interview. By this time, they had dropped some candidates. She was called again for a second interview, this time around with the top managers. She was scared. Again, they started praising her CV. Asking her questions and commending her. At the tail end, that was when one of them saw the grade. They were like, you mean you finished with a 2:2? She said yes. Then she explained why. Because she was honest and had already won their hearts, guess what! Weeks later, she was called to resume work!
This again is a fact many graduates and job seekers don't know!
FACT 3
*3. You don’t always need to know anyone to enter a company*
I don't know where most young people got this mindset from. They just conclude that all jobs can only be gotten by connection. I want to ask you a question. If you owned a company and you want that company to really grow. As in, you really want it to move forward. Say the truth would you like to hire all your employee based on connection? Wouldn't you want to use common sense to ensure that you have 1..2..3..4 who are really really qualified? Because if all workers were by connection it means the company will crumble. It means they are not looking for skill. And you know what that means.. the company will fall!!!
So because they know this, they can't keep giving all the jobs by connection. There is a place for skill, for those who are truly qualified. So the big question is..Are you among the few qualified?
FACT 4
*4. Getting into a company or organization is one thing, how you get in is another thing.*
This point is very crucial, please follow carefully!
The route via which you enter a company goes a long way to determine your salary, your future prospects in that company, your promotion or even the benefits you will be entitled to.
Its one thing to be working in shell or Mobil or Total, but the big question is how did you enter? You entered as what?
Have you heard of any of the following terms: Graduate Management Trainee, Technical Trainee, Contract Staff, Intern, Outsourcing?
Let me explain further taking the routes I mentioned above one after the other.
Do you know that the best way to enter a multinational company (MNC) as a young graduate is either as an intern or a graduate trainee.
Let me explain. An *intern* is not yet employed. He/she will be paid, but is being trained to work. If they find you competent they can now fully recruit you to become a trainee.
Now if you must enter a company and you want to enjoy the highest benefits, try your best to enter the Management Trainee programme.
Those who eventually become MDs and Head of Departments are those who enter as *Graduate Trainees*.
They are the ones the company likes to send abroad to do one course or the other. They are the ones with the fatter salary. They are the big boys and girls. This is why they are usually few!
The truth is not every one can enter as a graduate trainee, but aspire to do so, there is no harm in aiming big!
A *technical trainee* is usually for all the technical work. They usually like to take HND and OND for these roles. They believe they have the technical knowledge
The only thing is that, they are not paid as much as the Graduate Management Trainee
Then for *contract staff*, that one your salary is smaller. You are on contract and so your contract can end anytime, and you end up jobless again
*Outsourcing* - The company hires another company to do something for them. so you are working with company A, Shell hired company A on contract. so shell will pay your Company, then your company will pay you.
so you see, i am in shell, i am in shell...The right question is how did you enter shell? And whats your role in shell?
FACT 5
*5. When applying for a job in which you were given an email address to forward your CV, there are seven points you need to note.*
I. Your CV should be in pdf format- it should not be in word because it can scatter when opened on the other end. Except you were specifically told to send it that way.
II. You should ALWAYS attach a cover letter. Listen to me they may not say it but it’s a secret why they screen candidates out (it should be in pdf too)
III. You must have a subject and the subject should state the position you are applying for.
IV. Your email must not be empty! It’s a sin, many make that mistake. Your email should have a catchy and stimulating body which is similar but more straight forward and direct like the cover letter
V. Your application must have a complementary close (and optionally a picture which you insert through your email complementary close setting)
VI. You must do a proper search of that company and the role you are applying for.
VII. Try to use a computer not a phone. The greatest error you want to make is having the employer see things like “sent from my blackberry Z10” or “sent from my tecnoc8”. That shows how lazy you are and how you can’t make the extra effort of applying with professionalism
I have seen a lot of graduates err in this regard. They keep saying they have applied everywhere but they never get called. It is because your application was shabby and not pleasant to your employer.
Fact 6
*Cc vs Bcc*
-How many of us have seen this stuff in our emails?
-who knows what they are used for?
Okay, let me explain.
Cc stands for "carbon copy." Anyone you add to the cc: field of a message receives a copy of that message when you send it. All other recipients of that message can see that person you designated as a cc: recipient.
Bcc: stands for "blind carbon copy." Anyone you add to the bcc: field of a message receives a copy of that message when you send it. But, bcc: recipients are invisible to all the other recipients of the message including other bcc: recipients.
Now what is the importance of this knowledge of Cc and Bcc?
Sometimes if you are being referred by someone to apply for a job, you may sometimes need to put the person that referred you in copy to further strengthen your chances. Its more like a referral.
If you want the person you send the application, to know who referred you, you use Cc, if you want to code it you use BBC.
FACT 7
*7. Most of the available jobs are not usually advertised*
No matter how thoroughly you search for job openings on online job portals, job agencies, newspapers ads or even on the company's website - whatever jobs you find that way is only 15 percent of what's available. only 15 percent!!!
That's because 85 percent of jobs are never publicized. This is absolutely true, and done for good reasons.
The employers try to avoid the painful and costly process of sorting through the thousands of mostly crappy applications that follow any publicized job opening, so they would rather use other means of hiring the right people that don't require public advertisement.
The fact that you don't see any job openings doesn't mean a company is not hiring. So you can connect directly and can convince the company that your are the right person. You will be hired whether or not any job was advertised.
Again I must say... This doesn't mean jobs are not advertised at all.
Now there are three key people whom, if your CV can just get to them, they have the power to get you employed.
1. Heads of the department, unit or team in which you wish to work
2. The HR Manager
3. The CEO, MD or founder of the company
How then can your CV get to them? There is what they can targeted emailing.
FACT 8
*8. Doing a Masters immediately after NYSC is very dangerous for some categories of people!*
I know some people want to add something to their 2:2 or to their courses because they may not have studied some kind of courses that are very well appreciated in Nigeria
-But Masters immediately after NYSC is not for everybody.
i. If your family is broke and waiting for you to come and help them out
You would rather take that job, start looking for certifications, then you can sponsor yourself for masters.
ii. If you are like 24 and above, doing a masters immediately may not be advisable. By the time you are done they tell you not more than 26 years old (so you have no job experience, and you have lost on the age side)
-If you must do masters, do your calculations and consultations well. Don’t be a copy copy! Don’t follow crowd. Understand why you want to do it.
FACT 9
*9. Some of your CVs never get read by the employers*
Some companies use what is called an optimization software to scan through thousands of CVs looking for keywords. Any CV that doesn't have some keywords they are looking for get trashed.
Only after they finish optimization does a human being now start looking at the CVs remaining one by one.
Finally... FACT 10
*10. Getting a job is a full time job!*
Allow this point to sink into your head! If you are unemployed right now, you need to employ yourself into a new job called - GETTING A JOB
When something very important to you gets missing in your house, how do you search for it please?
You check under the table, inside your room, the toilet, u call ur uncle, u turn everywhere upside down!
is that correct?
So why is it that when its time to look for a job we do it with some lackadaisical attitude?
My dear, Nigeria is hard! To get a job, you have to be violent about it. You have to attend seminars, ask questions, apply here and there..as in let it be serious!
You don't get a job by watching Africa Magic
You don't get a job by going to cinema house every weekend
You don't get a job by knowing all the telemundo series.
No way! Getting a job is serious business.
Sentiment apart,
Every recent graduate in the business of getting a job in this era needs:
1. A Good smart phone (no matter how cheap)
2. A good monthly data plan (not all this 100 naira per month subscription) plus good Internet connection.
3. Access to power supply for minimum 2 hours daily.
4. Network with "correct" groups.
5. A laptop once in a while (could be your own, your neighbors own or you go to cyber Cafe).
Shell or Nestlé or whoever won't hear you were broke and so you couldn't come online to see their post for a vacancy that suited you.
Thursday, August 17, 2017
MOTIVATION
So how do management motivate staff? Let’s look at some classic management theories.
One of the most important pieces of work for any student of management is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Abraham Maslow developed the Hierarchy of Needs model in the USA in 1940-50s.The theory remains valid today for understanding human motivation, management training, and personal development. His view is that employers are responsible for providing a workplace environment that encourages and enables employees to fulfil their own unique potential.
Our most basic needs are instinctive, having evolved over many thousands of years. Individuals have levels of need which have to be satisfied in order, starting from the bottom with Biological and moving up to Self-actualisation .
The Hierarchy of Needs helps to explain how these needs motivate us, and states that we must satisfy each level of need in turn, starting with the one which deals with the most obvious needs for survival itself.
Only once the lower order needs of physical and emotional well-being are satisfied do we become concerned with the higher order needs of influence and personal development.
Conversely, if the things that satisfy our lower order needs are taken away, we are no longer concerned about the maintenance of our higher order needs.
The needs are defined as;-
- Biological and Physiological needs – air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.
- Safety needs – protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.
- Social, Belongingness and Love needs – work group, family, affection, relationships, etc.
- Esteem needs – self-esteem, achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, managerial responsibility, etc.
- Self-Actualization needs – realising personal potential, self-fulfilment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences.
So this would translate in business as:
You can’t expect people to respond well to an enhanced benefits package, say offering them a better office (level 4) when their basic financial compensation is not enough to pay the family bills (level 1)
You can’t motivate someone to achieve a performance target (level 4) when they’re having family problems (level 3).
You can’t expect someone to be an effective team member (level 3) when they have nowhere to live because they fell behind with mortgage payments (level 2).
Maslow’s theory is a simple model, a guide which requires some interpretation, but is extremely useful and applicable for understanding, explaining and managing human behaviour.
The basic interpretation of Maslow’s theory suggests that that once a need is satisfied the person moves onto the next, and to some extent this is correct. But it must be borne in mind that people and motivation are complex.
So while people do move up or down the hierarchy depending on their current circumstances, most people’s motivational mind set at any point will include elements of all of the motivational drivers.
For example, self-actualizers (level 5) are still motivated to eat (level 1) and socialise (level 3). Homeless people whose main focus is feeding themselves (level 1) and finding shelter for the night (level 2) can also be concerned with social relationships (level 3) and how their friends might perceive them (level 4).
Maslow’s work and ideas extend beyond the Hierarchy of Needs. His concept of self-actualisation still relates to today’s employers and organisations .The challenge they face is to provide real meaning, purpose and personal development for their employees lives.
Maslow saw that even the most junior employees have a basic human need and a right to strive for self-actualisation, just as much as directors and owners do.
Today’s successful organisations and employers are those who genuinely care about their employee’s personal growth towards self-actualisation and who encourage and enable them.
Today’s successful organisations and employers are those who genuinely care about their employee’s personal growth towards self-actualisation and who encourage and enable them.
They understand that sustainable success is built on a serious commitment to helping people identify, pursue and reach their personal potential. And that when they achieve their potential, or grow towards it, they become more effective and valuable as employees.
They recognise that personal growth, whether through a hobby, or special talent, or a new experience, produces new transferable skills and attributes, that can be useful in their work.
TEAM LEADERSHIP
There are very many theories and models of leadership, leadership philosophies and leadership styles.
When we look at Team Leadership, Management and Motivation you will learn about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and Adair’s Action Centred Leadership. We also consider how important money is in the management of motivation.
Team Leadership.
There are very many theories and models of leadership, leadership philosophies and leadership styles.
Let’s consider Action Centred Leadership.
Action Centred Leadership – John Adair – A model for team leadership and management
John Adair (born 1934) developed his Action Centred Leadership (ACL) model while lecturing at Sandhurst Royal Military Academy and as assistant director and head of leadership department at The Industrial Society, during the 1960 and 1970s
The ACL model is Adair’s best known work, in which there are three elements, which are;-
Achieving the Task
Developing the Team
Developing Individuals
They are mutually dependent, as well as being separately essential to the overall leadership role.
Adair set out these core functions of leadership, vital to the ACL model:
- Planning – seeking information, defining tasks, setting aims.
- Initiating – briefing, task allocation, setting standards.
- Controlling – maintaining standards, ensuring progress, ongoing decision-making.
- Supporting – individuals’ contributions, encouraging, team spirit, reconciling, encouraging morale.
- Informing – clarifying tasks and plans, updating, receiving feedback and interpreting.
- Evaluating – feasibility of ideas, performance, enabling self-assessment.
- achieving the task
- managing the team or group
- managing individuals
- define the task -identify aims and objectives for the group, purpose, and direction
- identify and obtain resources, people, processes, systems and tools
- create the plan to achieve the task – deliverables, measures, timescales, strategy and tactics
- clarify responsibilities, objectives, accountabilities and targets
- set priorities ,standards, quality, time and reporting parameters
- control and maintain activities against parameters
- monitor and maintain overall performance against plan
- report on progress towards the group’s aim
- review, re-assess, adjust plan, methods and targets as necessary
- evaluate success
- establish, agree and communicate standards of performance and behaviour
- establish style, culture, approach of the group – soft skill elements. Encourage suggestions
- monitor and maintain discipline, ethics, integrity and focus on objectives
- anticipate and resolve group conflict, struggles or disagreements, and grievances
- assess and change as necessary the balance and composition of the group
- develop team-working, cooperation, morale and team-spirit
- develop the collective maturity and capability of the group – progressively increase group freedom and authority
- encourage the team towards objectives and aims – motivate the group and provide a collective sense of purpose
- identify, develop and agree team- and project-leadership roles within group
- enable, facilitate and ensure effective internal and external group communications
- identify and meet group training needs
- give feedback to the group on overall progress; consult with, and seek feedback and input from the group.
- Responsibilities as a manager for each individual are:
- understand the team members as individuals – personality, skills, strengths, needs, aims and fears
- assist and support individuals – plans, problems, challenges, highs and lows
- identify and agree appropriate individual responsibilities and objectives
- give recognition and praise to individuals – acknowledge effort and good work, feedback and encourage.
- where appropriate reward individuals with extra responsibility, advancement and status
- identify, develop and utilise each individual’s capabilities and strengths
- train and develop individual team members, review performance
- develop individual freedom and authority
Adair promotes a ’50:50 rule’ – the view that 50% of motivation lies with the individual and 50% comes from external factors, among them leadership from another. He also suggests that 50% of team building success comes from the team and 50% from the leader.
Successful managers and leaders focus on all three areas of the Action Centred Leadership model, to get results, build morale, improve quality and productivity, and develop their team.
The three parts of Adair’s Action-Centred Leadership model are commonly represented by three overlapping circles, which is a trademark belonging to John Adair. It is one of the most recognizable and iconic symbols within management theory.
John Adair’s Action-Centred Leadership model is represented by Adair’s ‘three circles’ diagram, which illustrates Adair’s three core management responsibilities:
Responsibilities of a manager for achieving the task are:
Responsibilities of a manager for the group are
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